Never, Always
by ZeloraNDZ
Summary: I'm not a romantic guy. I don't think I'll ever be one. Maybe that's why I can never get a girl. Especially the girl I like. No, 'like' is an old word. I love her. And I can only wish she would love me too. Natsu/Lucy


_**I'm not a romantic guy. I don't think I'll ever be one. Maybe that's why I can never get a girl. Especially the girl I like. No, 'like' is an old word. I love her. And I can only wish she would love me too. Natsu/Lucy**_

* * *

" _I will_ _ **never**_ _be with you, but I will_ _ **always**_ _smile for you."_

* * *

 _ **March 10**_

I'm not a romantic guy.

I don't think I'll ever _be_ one. Even if I try, I know I'll just turn out all weird and clumsy. I'm not the type of guy to open doors for women, the type of guy who gives flowers and presents in anniversaries, the type of guy who gives sappy love messages to a girl every day. I'm nothing like those.

Maybe that's why I can never get a girl.

Especially the girl I like.

No, 'like' is an old word.

I love her.

And I can only wish she would love me too.

* * *

 _ **April 15**_

She's beautiful, more beautiful than the stars, more beautiful than any woman in the earth.

Okay, maybe there are people prettier than her. But her inner beauty, her smile, her gorgeous eyes, has no comparison. Her kindness makes you want to kiss her, her laugh makes you want to hug her, her tears makes you want to comfort her.

Brown eyes that will stun anyone, blonde hair that glows bright under the sun, pink lips that curves up every single day.

Everybody loves her.

And that's why, I fell for her too.

* * *

 _ **August 13**_

I tried to confess today.

We were alone, just the both of us. It was lunch on the rooftop as usual; the others were busy with their works and stuff so they went back sooner. She was there beside me, eating her homemade bento box. I had one too.

It was just the two of us.

I tease her, she teases me back. I laugh, she laughs with me. I joke, she jokes with me.

It was the perfect moment.

I started with saying something about us. How we were both friends for three years, how we were always with each other, how we were always there for each other.

She looked confused of why I was stating all these.

I took a deep breath and opened my mouth to utter the words 'I love you'

But I never got the chance.

She suddenly lit up as if she just remembered something. And she abruptly said, with a beaming grin. " _Wait! Hold that! I've got to tell you something!"_

The words after that followed, tore me apart.

" _I got together with-  
_

I can't continue to write…

* * *

 _ **August 29**_

She is dating someone.

Someone else that's not me.

I met the person, and he's a great guy. He's kind, loyal, and, dare I admit it, handsome. I just feel worse now. He's charming, romantic, everything I'm not. He's so different from me that he's suitable, maybe even perfect for her.

I saw her yesterday with him in a mall, when I was accompanying my sister. I was waiting in front of the bookstore my sister just went into.

That's when I saw them.

They held hands, laughing and smiling together.

Her body was pressed to his.

My breathing went rigid, a punch was thrown to my gut, I couldn't take in any oxygen.

I looked away, covering my face from them and also averting the sight.

Jealousy built up inside of me but I controlled it.

My sister went out of the shop.

I died inside.

* * *

 _ **September 20**_

She asked me what's wrong today.

I know I have been down lately, and it was all because of her. Her, dating someone else. Me, loving a taken girl.

But I didn't tell her.

I said, " _Everything's fine, just."_

I stopped.

She waited for me to continue, but I didn't.

And she laughed, with that light voice of hers, so beautiful and melodic.

She said in between giggles, "Real _mature, 'just', can't you finish a sentence?"_

I laughed. Her tone when she spoke was nostalgic and it brought some warmth inside of me, maybe that's one of the advantages of falling in love, I guessed. Just a few words from the person you love and they'll send you to heaven.

Though there's something dark and deep inside of my heart that keeps on telling me,

' _You'll never be with her.'_

Laughing huh, I haven't done that in weeks, ever since she got together with him.

She joined me in the fits of laughter.

She's perfect, beautiful.

We do stupid things like this, she's my best friend, and she's someone precious and important to me.

I held on to hope.

* * *

 _ **January 12**_

I confessed. I finally did.

" _I love you."_ I said

I held on to hope. I thought maybe she might love me back, I thought maybe they were only dating to make me jealous, I thought maybe they were only dating because they were single for so long.

I thought I still had a chance.

I was wrong, I was a fool.

" _What are you saying?"_ She asked me, her face horrified, her tone spelled betrayal.

My heart clenched.

" _I love him, not you. I'm dating him, how can you confess to me like that?"_

My heart burned.

" _I'm sorry, but I can never love you back. I love him so, so much… I am so sorry."_

And she ran away.

As if I was a monster.

As if I disappointed her.

As if _I_ tortured her.

But in reality, she was the one who tortured me.

She _killed_ me.

* * *

 _ **February 14**_

The day for lovers.

I met her today and something new happened.

We are in the same school, of course. But after my confession, we avoided each other.

Today,

She glared at me when she passed me today.

All I could do was drown in pain as my heart withered away.

I contemplate on whether or not I should contact her. It's been a month, and I know she hates me.

I decided I shouldn't.

I recalled the day I saw her and her boyfriend in the mall. It felt like years ago.

I felt an enormous wave of jealousy that day. Today, I realized. When she narrowed her eyes at me with distaste, hate and loathe, I know I wasn't and will never be worthy of her.

I am not worthy of the jealousy I felt that day either.

I was supposed to feel hate, not jealously.

I wasn't able to be with her because I was _me_.

Hate yourself; I was supposed to hate myself.

I can never, ever, be with her.

All because I was myself. All because of me.

I let all the tears I kept fall today.

It's midnight already,

So much for lovers' day.

* * *

 _ **March 3**_

I apologized to her.

I said that all my feelings were a lie. I told her that I actually didn't love her, that I was just mistaking my friend kind of love to a lover's kind of love.

All lies. Lies!

But she believed that today.

She forgave me.

She hugged me and cried.

She said she missed me. We hadn't talked for two months and today, she was crying tears of happiness as she pressed her body to mine.

She told me, " _I miss you, I miss your laugh, your jokes, your toothy grin. Please don't leave me again. You're my best friend!"_

She needed me.

She needed me. Not as her boyfriend, but as her best friend. Not as a lover, but as a brother.

I can't handle anymore of her. I can't handle anymore sight of her and her boyfriend. I can't handle staying as her best friend.

But she needed me. She told me, she said it herself. She needed me to be with her, as a friend.

I want to run away. Run away from everything, run away from her, forget my feelings, go to a new town maybe, and start anew.

And yet, I built up a wall.

A wall so strong I believe and trust it won't ever break.

I grinned at her, my trademark grin, that moment.

The wall won't waver.

" _Sure!"_ I answered her

Nothing will go through the wall.

" _I'll stay with you, Luce! I won't ever leave."_

My feelings will never slip through.

* * *

 _ **March 10**_

I love her.

And I will never stop.

I love her.

But I will never be with her.

I love her.

But I will never show it.

I love her.

And I will always smile for her.

I love Lucy Heartifilia.

And she will never love me back.

.

.

.

 _Sign,_

 _Natsu Dragneel_

* * *

 **How's the story?**

 **In case you didn't know, Natsu's sister is Wendy and Lucy's boyfriend is Sting. I wanted to make something angst so, I guess this is it. My first try on making something angst! Haha!**

 **Thank you for reading! Please review if you have anything in your mind about the story.**


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